Sports

Toronto, ON – After having come so close to winning the World Series, Blue Jays top brass is fired up to begin the next season – aiming to finish with at least as many wins as losses. 

“A lot of people go crazy with their expectations after a good season like we had. But it’s not really fair to expect us to do that good every year. Frankly, given that we made it to the World Series, that should give us some breathing room, so that we don’t have to make the playoffs for a few years,” explained Blue Jays GM, Ross Atkins. 

Mark Shapiro echoed those sentiments, also aiming for no more than 81 regular season wins. 

“It’s not fair that they expect us to do better every year. They want five more wins this year, and then five more wins next year. At this rate, they’ll want us to get a hundred-and-eighty wins before long. Also, if you win all the time then people come to expect it. That’s what I admire about the Toronto Maple Leafs, they know how to string…err… they know how to give the fans a little bit of winning without spoiling them.” 

While most of the players were away, we were able to get in touch with George Springer: “Yeah, I busted my ass last year. No way I’m doing that again. I’ve talked to the boys. We’re thinking of having a ‘chill year’. No work outs, no early practices. Bichette was asking if he could skip a couple games to do a marathon Fortnite tournament, and we were all like yeah, of course, cuz we have each other’s backs as a team. And we’re done eating vegetables and pasta. Next year it’s gonna be donuts and burgers in the clubhouse. Anyone who brings a salad in gets a wedgie. It’s gonna be a lot more fun. 

Regardless, we at Faux News congratulate the Blue Jays on their great season and wish them well in their quest for mediocrity next year.